


Private Retreats and Public Affairs

by Harukami



Category: Valdemar Series - Mercedes Lackey
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-08 18:28:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4315704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harukami/pseuds/Harukami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two times Vanyel and Stefen didn't kiss in public, and one time they did.</p><p>Zazzle asked for this I'm sorry they're gross zazzle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Private Retreats and Public Affairs

**.1.**  
Stefen knew from the start, even after they'd gotten together properly, that Vanyel would likely be shy about public affection. It didn't matter that everyone here _knew_ —or had thought they'd known, and were proven right after the fact, however one wanted to look at it. Regardless, everyone in the household _assumed_ that Vanyel Ashkevron's very special Bard friend was more than just a friend. He'd even overheard the ladies of Treesa's circle sighing about how sad it was that he wouldn't flirt back for _real_ —not that it stopped them for a minute from trying to get him to, Treesa included.

But even if _Stefen_ was sure that he could be as disgustingly sweet with Vanyel as he found himself wanting to be and nobody would bat an eyelash, he held himself back for Vanyel's sake. He wanted to— _Gods, I_ want to, he thought mournfully. He'd never had a lover he _could_ be sweet on, to do all those little things that maybe seemed overly saccharine to him once but just seemed nice now. To walk hand-in-hand, to kiss whenever the urge overtook you...

But he knew that Vanyel's sensibilities needed to be respected.

Still, when Vanyel had recovered enough from the leech-blade, they went walking together. It was Vanyel's suggestion; "The mocker-birds are a bit loud," he'd said, apologetically, "but the gardens are beautiful this time of year." No sooner were they inside than a sense of privacy crept around them. The flowering bushes cut off sound from outside; the laughing and giggling of Treesa's group softened to nothing. Plant life towered high, blocking off the view from the outside. And the scent... well. It was rich and floral, kept from being cloying due to the breeze that diluted it and whirled it around them. He felt, for a moment, like he was alone in the world with Vanyel.

Van stopped and pointed out a small tree, smiling. "My sister Lissa and I carved our initials in here when we were younger," he said. "We weren't supposed to touch anything down here since it's all technically Mother's, but Lissa decided she wanted to, then handed me the knife. See?"

Stefen took a look, leaning down next to him. Vanyel's strong, scarred hands were lightly tracing the knotted curves of buckled bark; LA carved in a strong, sure hand, and VA in a lighter scraping that had somehow survived the mess of time. "Did you get in trouble?" he asked.

"Terrible trouble—when she noticed a month later, anyway. My father didn't care, not about that, but Mother cried and wailed about how we'd hurt the poor tree, how we were making it cry. That was the sap, you see. It had stopped by then but the area had been marked by it," Vanyel chuckled.

The expression on his face was incredible. Stefen felt his heart almost stop; heavy black eyelashes had lowered over grey eyes lost in nostalgia, a smile half-pain, half-fondness lingering on his lips.

Stefen put a hand over Vanyel's on his initials, and leaned up.

For a moment, he thought it would be all right. It was just the two of them, in such secluded a place that Vanyel had managed—at least for a while—as small an act of defiance as this. Vanyel's eyes focused from the past to the present, focused on Stefen's face; his lips parted—

—And then a mocking-bird screamed.

Vanyel jumped, standing up so quickly he actually banged his head lightly on a bough of the tree above. "Ouch," he said, and chuckled again, though the sound was a bit stiffer this time, less open. "It finally got its revenge after all these years."

"I suppose it did," Stefen said, smiling, and thought, _Okay. That wasn't private enough, then._

 **.2.**  
Two nights later, Stef was coming back from entertaining Treesa, and things had gone rather late. One of the girls kept the Game going far too long, and Treesa had found it entertaining and egged her on. Since it would have been rude and Un-Courtly to dismiss himself, he'd been left there far past when he wanted to leave and it was already well on its way from dusk to dark. 

Even though he knew—or was fairly sure—that the holding was safe now, and even though the attack had taken place in broad daylight before, he felt a faint shiver go down his spine at the way long shadows were stretching across the path from trees. When a shadow began to move toward him around from a corner, he tensed even though he was already making fun of himself in his head for doing so. _Honestly, Stef. Jumping at shadows? Next you know you'll be sleeping with a lantern lit..._

Still, he couldn't stop the rush of the relief when the person who came around the corner wasn't only _not_ an enemy but was, perhaps, his favorite sight for sore eyes. Vanyel wasn't wearing full Heraldic whites while he was here at home, but despite that, his loose off-white shirt seemed to glow to Stefen's eyes. Or perhaps it was just Vanyel's fine skin alone, catching the moonlight.

"Van," he called, and jogged over to catch up.

Vanyel seemed surprised to see him, but held out a hand to him without seeming to think about it at all. Stef's heart leaped a little, and he took it, not turning down his good fortune. Vanyel's fingers twined with his, and Stefen let out a slow breath with a sudden rush of happiness.

"What are you doing out so late?" Vanyel asked. "I would have thought you'd have been in at dinner a while ago."

"Your mother's coterie," Stefen said, and left it at that.

"Ah," Vanyel said, and smiled. "I almost didn't see you in the darkness."

"I don't think I could ever overlook _you_."

A blink, and Vanyel laughed. "Oh. Are we one-upping each other?"

"If you think you can one-up me," Stefen said, grinning, and turned his chin up, looking at him.

Vanyel met his gaze. Stefen could tell, suddenly, that Vanyel was thinking of kissing him as much as Stefen was thinking of kissing Vanyel; it was like the air suddenly grew warm between them, like he could feel Vanyel's desire in the exhale of his breath. Stefen stepped backward, pulling Vanyel into the shadow with him; if Vanyel had almost overlooked him on the path, then nobody would notice them here. It was dark. It was secluded.

But Vanyel hesitated, just leaning over him as Stef reached up, ran fingers into his hair.

A light turned on in the window above and Vanyel jerked back from Stefen. "Sorry," he said. "Let's just—let's get inside and get you some food."

It didn't hurt, not exactly; Stefen understood the reasons behind it, and he knew Vanyel would be extra passionate behind closed doors later in some kind of apology—even if Vanyel might not be sure what he was apologizing _for_.

If anything, he felt the understanding slip into place with a sort of sad resignation. Nowhere here was private, nowhere was safe. It was all too open. There were too many people in Forst Reach, period, for Vanyel to be casual about his feelings. If it wasn't in the bedroom, it wasn't an option.

"I'm starved," Stefen agreed, and led the way inside.

 **.3.**  
The family threw a party to see them off—not just Vanyel and Stefen, but Withen and Treesa as well. Vanyel had explained his reasons, and Stefen understood them. Keeping his family safe was vitally important, and Stefen didn't need to have a family of his own to want to support that.

Still, he did regret, a little, the idea of casual intimacies on the road now being lost too. He wondered if it would carry on back at Haven; if Vanyel, already overly-conscious of other people watching, would get even more so with his parents anywhere in the same city, as if they could round a corner at any time and might do so.

But he didn't let any of this show. He joined in the festivities, though he barely drank; the ride back was going to be painful enough with his poor skill at it that he didn't fancy having a hangover at the same time. Vanyel didn't either, and Stefen didn't need to ask why. If his family was to be attacked in its own home again, a night like tonight would be the perfect time, and he needed his wits about him.

But they were the only two _not_ drinking, and as the night wore on and everyone got drunker and louder and more raucous, it became clear that maybe an assassin didn't _need_ to attack. _They might do themselves in at this rate_ , Stefen thought, a little awed.

People were laughing, people were singing, people were fake-brawling. Some people, mostly Treesa's little court, were sobbing and wailing about her upcoming absence, and she was wailing louder than the rest. (Though, Stefen was pretty sure, they'd resolve themselves into a new pecking order as soon as she was gone, if they weren't already doing so behind the scenes.)

It was chaos.

Stefen noticed Vanyel watching him and he let Vanyel catch his eye, smiling back. "Some party," he commented. "Thank goodness they didn't do this when we _arrived_. I would have spent the whole visit in terror."

"Didn't you?" Van asked, soft.

It was a little too insightful, and Stefen sighed. It wasn't like Vanyel was entirely wrong. He'd only just found Vanyel, and had almost lost him again. It was enough to put anyone on edge. But he just smiled, and shook his head. " _That_ moment aside," he said, "it's been surprisingly nice."

Normally, he'd try again then. Move in for a kiss, try to sneak a moment in the middle of the chaos. Probably nobody would notice, and if they did, they'd likely be too drunk to remember it later.

But he didn't. They'd have their privacy later; if not on the road, then back at Haven. In their rooms, at least. Vanyel's security was more important, Stefen thought, than giving in to impulse, the desire to love him anywhere and anyhow.

Stef started to turn back again to watch the proceedings, but felt Vanyel's fingers on his chin. He startled, eyes widening a little, flicking them back up to Vanyel's face as he let Vanyel tilt his face up. He saw, felt, _tasted_ the electric moment between them as Vanyel leaned down with a soft breath out and brushed his lips briefly over Stefen's. He almost missed his chance to kiss back, still was moving his lips slightly as Van sat back. He only managed to meet the tail moment of that quick kiss. Vanyel was blushing, and those grey eyes were darting around the room with more than just professional paranoia.

He wanted to pursue it, wanted to kiss him deeper, laugh, shout with joy. It'd fit right into this turbulent night. Nobody would notice if he did.

Instead, Stefen reached under the table to find Vanyel's hand, held it, squeezed it warmly, and kept hold of it for the rest of the evening.


End file.
